Kings Gameday: Uh-Oh

LA Kings (thud) @ St. Louis Blues (28-27-10, 14th in West)

5:30 PST, FSN West

I write for a blog, and as part of that I'm required to love Alex Ovechkin. (I'm also required to kill 1 person of Eric McErlain's choosing.) Last night on Versus, they showed a little thing about Ovechkin and a few other Capitals tooling around on Segways and it was hilarious. Here's a little clip:




So, as you see, I love Alex Ovechkin. But lately, Ovechkin has been pissing me off. He had a hat trick last night to bring his goal total up to 52 on the season, and I just realized that Alex is dangerously close to breaking Luc Robitaille's immortal single-season record for most goals by a left winger. Robitaille, of course, set the record in '92-'93. Wayne Gretzky was injured for about half that season, so Luc carried the team (with an assist or 60 by Jari Kurri). I can't hear the number "63" without automatically thinking about Luc Robitaille and that beautiful Cup run that culminated with Los Angeles' victory over Toronto. (Nothing happened after that, you hear me? Nothing!!!) If Ovechkin takes that away, I may not be able to like him anymore.

Note: May not actually be Luc Robitaille

But Ovechkin seems like a cool guy, so I'll make him a deal: stop scoring goals so much and I won't have to hate you. Score, like, 60 goals. That's very respectable and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Leave Luc with the record. Leave me with the record. Please?

***

Brian Hayward was in rare form last night during the Ducks-Senators game. When he wasn't bitching that Marty Turco was one of the NHL's Players of the Month instead of Giguere (and he has a point, but who cares?), he was harping on the size of Martin Gerber's pads. John Ahlers got in on the action, at one point saying (paraphrase), "Is it possible that Gerber's pads are so voluminous, that he can't feel the puck, is that something that's... (5-second pause) ...Niedermayer passes out of the corner..." Martin Gerber has large pads, huh? I wonder where he could have learned that little trick...

***

Oh wait, there's a game today. Umm, the Kings have been losing a lot despite the play of the young guys, and Jack Johnson almost killed a guy. The Blues suck, they're in 14th in the West, Paul Kariya is a douche bag, blah, blah, blah.

Prediction: Kings win, 21-7, Kopitar with 2 touchdown passes, Brown with a rushing TD. ...Wait, the Kings play hockey???

One Small Example...

...of the homerism of Brian Hayward:

End of overtime. Michal Handzus has the puck with the clock winding down and shoots it on net with no time remaining. Now, did Handzus shoot the puck after the horn blew? No, he didn't. Did he shoot it when he had no chance to score? Yes, he did. Still, Chris Pronger, because he's protecting his goalie and also being a dickhead, decides to run Handzus into the boards. Then Jack Johnson tries to get in there and separate the two because he knows Handzus isn't a fighter (he's been in 2 fights in his life), but Beauchemin grabs him and prevents him from getting involved. (Lubo and Andy Mac just kind of hold each other while the whole thing is going on. They're like Tony and Maria.) Pronger shoves Handzus in the face, which causes Handzus to return in kind; Pronger then proceeds to drop his glove and rail Handzus in the face 3 times before the ref can separate them.

Hayward's reaction (and I'm paraphrasing here because I'm too angry to process my memory)? "Well, Handzus is asking for trouble there, taking a shot at Pronger."

NOW.

What would his reaction had been if it had been Pahlsson and Blake instead?

BoC Gameday: Decisions, Decisions...

On the one hand sits the traditional broadcast on FSN Prime Ticket, with clear views of what is going on and all the little stats and observations that you may miss when just watching the game without sound. But there's also Brian Hayward, known hump and professional piece of shit, and I can't stand the guy.

On the other hand sits the rinkside view broadcast on FSN West, which sounds interesting for about 5 minutes but I imagine I will soon tire of it. Although, they say it won't have traditional sound and will thus not have Hayward.

Hmm...

Update: Holy shit, the Kings got a GM fired! Woohoo! (Thanks to Earl for pointing this out)

Immediate Update #2: Holy shit, does this mean Dave Taylor is going to become Dallas' new GM? Oh no!

Kings/Ducks Gameday Megapost: Why I'm a Kings Fan

Vs.

Los Angeles Kings [2^nd! (From Last)] vs. Anaheim Ducks (Yeah, Yeah, Whatever)

5:00 PM, FSN Prime Ticket (and TSN for our Canadian friends)


When the esteemed Mr. Sleek asked me (read: threatened me) to write a column about why I’m a Kings fan and not a Ducks fan, I had trouble coming up with one reason; so many came flooding into my head that I needed to lie down for a while. It’s hard to write out what is so completely obvious to you that it need not be put into words; it’s like asking me why ice cream is delicious. After a lot of thought, though, I managed to narrow it down to a few main reasons. Here goes:

One, the Kings franchise has been around for longer than the Ducks. When the Mighty Ducks were just a twinkle in the eye of some retarded Disney executive, the Kings were rockin’ it with the Triple Crown Line, Rogie Vachon, and… uh… the point is the Kings have some sort of tradition, which is more than the Ducks can say. In almost all sports, I root for the established team (Dodgers over Angels, Lakers over Clippers, Galaxy over Chivas USA). I’m not sure why; I think it’s because I admire the history over the gloss of a lot of the newer teams. (Rally Monkey, anyone?)

Two, the Kings have a lot more passion among their fans, in my opinion. I’ve been to Ducks games, and there are a lot of kids running around and people don’t seem that upset when the Ducks get scored on. In contrast, I’ve never been to a Kings game where I didn’t hear the word “fuck” more than “shoot.” (To be fair, though, most of those are me.) I have also never been able to get to my car without seeing at least one opposing fan being heckled by some Kings fans. At Ducks games, you might get chided if you wear opposing colors; at Kings games, you might die. I call it passion, but others might call it a bunch of drunken thugs out of control. Either way, it’s pretty awesome.

Three, the Kings announcers are far and above the Ducks guys. Bob Miller is a god, and my respect for him knows no bounds. Jimmy Fox… let me tell you a story about Jimmy. After a game earlier this year, I was walking to my car when all of a sudden I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye. The flash was Jimmy Fox, running full speed along Figueroa with a briefcase in hand. I have no idea why. Some people might not think Jimmy Fox is a good color commentator, and they may be right, but I’ll be damned if he doesn’t make me laugh at least once a game. The Ducks guys, on the other hand, suck. The play-by-play guy (I don’t really care what his name is) is alright, but he talks too much during the game about random crap. And I HATE Brian Hayward. He talks up the Ducks way too much and in the past two seasons he’s become insufferable. I can’t wait until tonight to hear about how many “marginal” calls went against the Ducks and how great the Kings goalie is playing (thereby implying that the Ducks are outplaying the other team, but they’ve been lucky so far). If Brian Hayward were to die in a fiery plane crash, the only sorrow I’d feel would be that I wasn’t there to piss on the wreckage.

That's a marginal helmet.

Four, I think Dustin Brown broke some of Rotislav’s Klesla’s ribs and then beat up Alexander Svitov when he tried to defend his teammate last night. Dustin Brown rules.

Five, the Kings have had cooler captains since the Ducks came into the league. For the Kings: Wayne Gretzky, Luc Robitaille (for part of 1992-93 and for one game in 2006), Rob Blake, and Mattias Norstrom. For the Ducks: Troy Loney, Randy Ladouceur, Paul Kariya, Teemu Selanne (interim), Steve Rucchin, and Scott Neidermayer. Any questions? I mean, besides who the hell is Randy Ladouceur.

Six, the Kings have a better goal song. The Kings play “I Love L.A.,” by Randy Newman, while the Ducks play “Bro Hymn,” by Pennywise… wait, fuck, that song is awesome. I hate watching a Ducks game and being disgusted that they scored while simultaneously rocking out. I have to give it to the Ducks, they have the Kings beat in this department.

Seven, the Kings had a cooler goaltender at the time. I fancy myself a goaltender, so that was a big part of why I loved the Kings. On the Kings, there was Kelly Hrudey. On the Ducks, there was Guy Hebert. (Pronounced “I’m a douche bag.”) Kelly Hrudey looked like a pirate and was one of the last goaltender who utilized the two-pad stack constantly. He also had one of the coolest helmets ever in the NHL (seen below). Guy Hebert was born in the United States but took the French pronunciation of his name because it sounded better. I rest my case.

That’s not everything, but I’m sure you’re tired of reading so I’ll stop there. Feel free to say why you like one team over the other in the comments. The Kings are probably in trouble tonight because the Ducks are much, much better than them; at the same time, every game so far this season has been decided by one goal, so you never know. It doesn’t really matter because records can’t conclusively decide which franchise is better. (I swear I’m not just saying that because the Kings are terrible.) The rivalry goes far too deep. I like that the rivalry hasn’t gotten to the point where communication between the two sides is impossible, though. I mean, what’s the fun in having a rival if you can’t make fun of them to their faces?

Prediction: I’m going to tell Brian Hayward to shut up, then feel stupid when my cat looks at me quizzically.

P.S. I think the whole “Tinkerbelle tapping a guy when he scores” fiasco (in the Ducks’ first year) embarrassed all hockey fans, so it was unfair to include that. But seriously, who the hell thought that was a good idea.