Let's Get To Work!

Ok, so some of us are still hanging our head about Dan Ellis stealing away our pizza goal last night. But sometimes, you just gotta put the past behind you, especially when there's work to be done. Work like putting Devin Setoguchi in the All-Star game. If this was a presidential campaign, I'd nominate Ryane Clowe as his running mate, but the balloting doesn't work that way.

Voting has started NOW, so go here and start stuffing those ballot boxes. Remember, Vote Seto/Gooch/Whatever nickname you want to call him in 2009!

The Real Election

Well, now that that whole Presidential Something-or-Other is over with, we should get to the election that really matters: the 2009 NHL All-Star Game. And yes, while Patrick Marleau, Evgeni Nabokov, and Joe Thornton are on the ballot, there's one fellow who I think is showing All-Star chops early on.

Did you have an Obama 08 or McCain Country First sticker on your car? It's time to throw those out because here's the official start of Vote Setoguchi 09. It's going to have to be a write-in vote, but thanks to the magic of the inter-tubes and text messaging, we can manipulate, erm, boost the results to give us all the Chomp We Need. After all, it's Sharks Territory First.

Voting begins November 12th.

[image courtesy of commenter Jonny W]

[image modified courtesy of commenter Will]

Anze Iscariot!

You may not know this (I hide it well), but I don't like the Anaheim Ducks. I wouldn't go so far as to call it hate... well, yeah, I kinda would. So imagine my shock, my horror, when I read this quote in today's L.A. Times:



"We actually became good friends," [Kopitar] said Sunday. "It doesn't really matter if we're Kings and Ducks. They're good guys off the ice. On the ice that's the job and we kind of have to maybe hate each other, but now we can respect each other."



What?!?!?!? It doesn't matter if you're a King or a Duck? You know who else had that kind of attitude? Romeo and Juliet, and we both know what happened to them. (Maybe, do they read Shakespeare in Slovenia? Have they even invented paper yet?) Ridiculous, just ridiculous. We pay you millions of dollars to play a simple game, Anze, the least you can do is assume our irrational hatreds.



At least one King knows where his loyalties lie:





Also, Ryan Getzlaf is balder than my dad.

Semi-live blogging the skillz competition (part 1 of 3)

Note: This live blog unexpectedly became Chara-big, so I split it up into digestible pieces. Enjoy.

Well, since I'm watching this thing on-and-off I thought I would leave the occasional brain droppings on this thing.

The highlight so far is happening as I type: the fastest skater competition which features a hilariously anticlimactic match that stupidly took Ilya Kovalchuk out for Brian Campbell at the last minute. Way to kick the fans in the balls, silly NHL.

It's always fun to see the introductions as well. After watching those I must say that this might be one of the ugliest group of All-Stars in NHL history. I think Horcoff has taken one too many blows to the head.

It's funny, I was going to say the All-Star game would be cooler if the players went without their helmets, but after looking at these guys I might have to back off on that one.

Other highlights so far:

Nicklas Lidstrom's semi-awkward Versus interview. He's asked, after 10 years, if the All-Star game still means the same to him. Since Lidstrom is all class, he does not provide what would have been my answer ("Ummm... of course not you floozy") and instead remarks that he was "more nervous" during his first All-Star game.

Tim Thomas's "shots" were pretty hysterical. That goofy, confusing obstacle course seems like it was made for Marty Brodeur but apparently he had some barbecuing to do or whatever.

Finally, I must ask, what the hell does that stupid McDonald's commercial mean? Why is it "cold" to ask someone about french fries? God, I hate McDonald's.

Update: Shootout

Nifty goal by Dion Phaneuf. Nifty non-goal by Vincent Lecavalier (C'mon, I thought that the Michael Jordan of hockey would show up in hockey's version of the slam dunk contest).

Ribeiro got stooooned. (boy that sounds bad).

Scotty Goalmez comes through.

Woof, Dipietro somehow made a save on Marian Scaborik. Yikes, in the interest of ratings don't zoom in on him. Whenever I see a closeup of Dipietro's mask "America...fuck yeah!" starts playing in my head.

The other Penguin undresses Chris Osgood. Man, I really need to work on my hockey metaphors. Right now it's just sex, drugs and hockey pucks.

Ricky D justfies his lifelong Bret Hart/Magic Johnson contract with some on-ice humor. Marty Turco still owns him from last year.

I like Eric Staal, but was he really the #1 choice for the NHL 08 cover? Really, after a monster 70 point season? Whatever.

Kimmo scores a beauty while looking just wrong in a Flyers jersey.

Uh oh, Elimination Round time. This would be more suspenseful if elimination meant getting dropped from a board room table into molten hot lava. Oh well.

Dion Phaneuf isn't just for charging and slap shots anymore. I'll be damned.

I'm happy those two guys are getting a little limelight, but seriously, Tim Thomas and Manny Legace are All-Stars? Meh.

They should have gone with the behind the goaltender camera because it was really hard to tell if some of those shootout attempts were goals. The worst camera work was the obstacle course, though, which will now formally be known as The Clusterfuck Course.

Semi-live blogging the skillz competition (part 2 of 3)

Update 2:

A round of applause for the Ryan Miller Amp Energy Drink Commercial. It's like Wild'N'Out with...goalies. By the way, I know that I'm not the Kings correspondent anymore when I have no idea who that goalie is. I'm embarrassed.

So, I might or might not add some comments about this Young Stars competition. We'll see how this goes.

The East:

Featuring Marc Staal, Nicklas Backstrom, Kris Letang and wow, we've now entered the obscure zone.

They didn't list the Western guys, but I recognized Gagner (OK, so maybe I only know him because of Covered in Oil) and the only real big name is Patrick Kane. It's nice to see the Chicago Blackhawks and not be completely depressed for a change.

Update 3 (!)

Alright, I'm in. I know I'm not the first person to make this joke, but you have to admit it's hilarious that the YoungStars feature two older than dirt goaltenders. Could they not get a hold of the other Backstrom (Minn.), Henrik Lundqvist, even Al Montoya or Bernier in LA?

I'm liking this. It's like video game hockey. Patrick Kane just scored a sweet breakaway goal. I predict the score will be 50-46.

That was one weak sauce breakaway move by Erik Johnson. Come on, Johnson. You're the future of American hockey, dammit!

Paging Eric Lindros. The renaissance of #88 has begun. Seeing how good Patrick Kane and even Phoenix's Mueller look, could it be possible that Lindros won't even be the best player to ever wear that number by the end of Kane's career? Weird.

Update in the second period of the YoungStars game

The first Sportscenter worthy moment, with Letang (Pitt) setting up Clarkson (NJ) for an amazing backhand that Legace stops. Legace sets up a Patrick Kane breakaway goal. GREAT moment.

As comically video game-ish as this game is, I'm liking it. Legace's funny enough that I take back my mean spirited remarks about his All-Star worthiness.

Holy Monkey. Kris Letang is fun to watch. Has there ever been a more Penguin-like "defenseman" than Letang? Legace: "Whoa another Marty Brodeur save!"

I have to admit I have no idea who won. The East, I guess? Who cares it managed to be the opposite of last year's YoungStars game (I actually want more!!!)

So far, so good overall. Although I could use a little more clarity in these events.

Update 5(?!?!)

At first I thought Chris Simpson was totally awful and not particularly good looking, but I have to say she's sort of grown on me. She's now a certified Cougar.

Wow, anyone that saw that Marc Savard interview with random correspondent guy. Wow. That was awful. Another point for Cougar Chris Simpson just for not being involved.

Unless you are an Oiler fan, can you really find a reason to hate Jarome Iginla? Great guy. Can't lie, I was rooting for the Flames in their Cinderella run and I still argue if Giguere is the Conn Smythe on a losing SC run then Iginla deserved it too, damn it. OK, I'm in hardcore tangent mode time to get some food.

They just ran a promo for tomorrow's all-star game. If you can name last year's AS MVP you deserve a cookie.

Coming up, my favorite events the accuracy shooting competition (now a very fun video game staple) and the hardest shot (Al Iafrate memories come to mind). Sweet. This is a quality skills competition. Does this mean the NHL is getting smarter? Kinda doubt it.

Semi-live blogging the skillz competition (part 3 of 3)

Update

I've dropped off the NHL 2K series since NHL 07 brought out the skill stick (that sounds dirty too doesn't it) so I must ask the blogosphere: do they still have that sweet accuracy challenge where you have to hit shots in 9 different spots? That was a proud moment in nerdy gaming for me.

Could people be a bit more excited for Kaberle's 4 for 4? That was like golf announcing. The guy's even raising his trade value in the All-Star game. That's impressive.

Eric Staal fucking destroyed one of those accuracy cameras.

I bet Kovalev could go 4 for 4 blindfolded.

You could see the camera dangling when Arnott graced one of the accuracy buttons.

Wow, Kaberle was a hair from going 8 for 8. Are you watching, Doug Wilson??

And Kaberle wins going an amazing 8 for 9.

Jeez, this thing is stupidly long. I obviously don't have the self control to live blog responsibly. And I'm not even drunk! Oh well, the damage has already been done...final update:

Haha, Ricky D's cracking me up. On 100 mph shots: "They really hurt." After "only" a 95 mph shot from Ovechkin he says "that's OK he has 40 goals already." Good stuff from the Real American Goalie.

Since when were goalies allowed to be funny? What happened to the days of Battlin' Billy Smith?

Another funny Dipietro joke: "[Lecavalier] uses the Bowflex. I'm trying to get an endorsement with Bowflex or Chuck Norris's total gym." They mic'd up the right guy. I knew with a goalie shooting competition that Ron Hextall would have to be mentioned and Ricky D finally brought him up.

An Al MacInnis reference and the third Iafrate reference. Wow!

Zdeno Chara = certified beast. 103 mph slapshot, second behind (well you know, Iafrate).

Hockey Slam Dunk Contest

Good move getting Dominique Wilkins on this one. Not sure if this gimmick is going to work but give them points for creativity.

(Then the announcer uses my exact phrase for St. Louis's attempts. Argh.)

Haha, advice: light the puck on fire, do a back flip then go top shelf. Ricky D needs his own reality show.

Ryan Getzlaf made two really cool, And1-ish moves, none of which were goals. This sort of makes me pine for Marek Malik. They just showed that awesome 9-year old goal. That goal just blows my mind.

Wow, did Scott Mellanby really just retire? He looks incredibly old.

Gaborik just tried the Malik shot. Good God Gaborik is fast.

Ovechkin almost pulled off something really cool. But it's not like he'd ever top The Goal anyway. No doubt about it, Ovechkin is one of the most beloved hockey players right now.

Overall I would give the All-Star Skills Competition a B+. Good stuff.

In Defense of the All-Star Game

I love the All-Star Game. I do. It's one of my favorite parts of the season, a chance to see hockey players not as faceless drones, but as people having a good time. Not many other people feel the same way, though. Even my friend, mentor, and former domestic partner (he knows what he did) Earl Sleek hates the All-Star Game. Honestly, I can't understand it. It's hockey! On TV! You got Owen Nolan picking out his shot, Marty Turco taking an interview while he's making saves, Rob Blake failing in the fastest shot competition every year, it's awesome!


A common complaint is that the All-Star Game used to be great, but now it has lost its luster. I don't buy that. It's not like guys in the '80s tried harder or anything. If anything, the game is better because we're watching the best athletes ever to play the game. I think it's just that in the past the game was new to them, and now it's the pretty much the same thing every year. But you know what? So is New Year's. So is the Fourth of July. Just because something is similar every year doesn't mean it's not great.


I think people might be taking this hockey business a little too seriously. I mean, yeah, it's a billion dollar industry and everything, but at the end of the day we don't watch the game because of wins and losses. We watch it because it's the most beautiful game on the planet, and the All-Star Game celebrates that. Sure, Martin Brodeur won't be there, and neither will Sidney Crosby, but I thik I'll forget that right about the time Ilya Kovalchuk is scoring his 4th goal. We (hockey bloggers and sportswriters, I mean) take this game very seriously, because it's very important to us. We constantly worry about this guy's contract situation or our goalie's recent slump. For just 2 days, I don't think there's anything wrong with just celebrating the game and the people who play it.

***

Anze Kopitar will be the Kings' sole representative here at the All-Star game.* I'm very excited about his inclusion, because I think he's going to surprise a lot of people. Like, MVP-level surprise people. We've all seen what happens when Kopitar gets room to move in space, and the All-Star Game gives people a lot of space. My only request? Don't put Kopitar on a wing. Let someone else take the face-off, but then let Kopitar play center. He needs the puck and I don't think he'll get a chance to do his thing if they have him on the wing. (My ideal line? Gaborik-Kopitar-Arnott.)

Also, do you think Getzlaf and Perry will throw a hissy fit if they don't get to play together?


*Jack Johnson is in the YoungStars game, but it's 3-on-3 so he'll probably have to stay back and play defense the whole time. Although, I think it's half-court, so I don't know what the fuck. He'll probably get a penalty, though.

Ducks win; Links are on me!

First off, a hearty congratulations goes out to the BoC All-Stars, all named today (I guess Californians were saving their votes for the presidential primaries): From the Sharks, C Joe Thornton and G Evgeni Nabokov. From the Ducks, C Ryan Getzlaf and D Chris Pronger. And from the Kings, everyone's favorite raccoon C Anze Kopitar. Pretty much all of these were fairly expected selections, but congrats nonetheless.

Secondly, Ducks fans can check out Finny @ GWAP's rundown of the annual State of the Franchise address, which has become quite the event since it incorporated Brian Burke's big mouth. He had a quote that I won't disagree with, but I'm still surprised the guy had the guts to say it publicly: "Getzlaf is better than either Perry or Penner, and maybe better than them combined -- and I'd say the same thing if Perry or Penner were standing here now." I usually tend to agree with Burkie, and this is no exception, but I wonder if this will get brought up during next summer's extension talk with Corey Perry.

And just for kicks, here's a link to today's PuckToon from AOL Fanhouse. Enjoy!

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As an aside, I found out yesterday that I will be in attendance this Sunday for the Sharks @ Ducks contest, up in the 300s wheelchair row again with my kid brother. More on that to come later!

Kings Gameday: All-Star Voting

The last game was awesome. I'm starting to think that the Kings should move to the East. Seriously, with their offense and shaky defense, they'd fit right in. Anyway, I'm still busy so I'm going give you guys the opportunity to discuss who you're voting for in the All-Star game. I usually vote for guys in the Pacific because the Central tends to dominate these things, and in the East I try to pick a line that I want to see. Anyway, here's mine:

Western Conference

Anze Kopitar: He's 7th in points in the West, so I don't think I'm being a homer by picking him.

Joe Thornton: He's on pace to score 107 points this year and is actually scoring goals. Who's the asshole who told him he's allowed to shoot?

Ryan Getzlaf: He has the same number of points as Kopitar, plus I want to see them play together again after they destroyed last year during the Young Stars Game.

Sergei Zubov: He deserves it just because he's awesome and nobody seems to care.
Chris Pronger: Just kidding, I'd rather pass a hammer through my small intestine than vote for Pronger on anything. I actually voted for Lubomir Visnovsky. I know he doesn't deserve it and I apologize for being completely biased, but I don't care; I love the little guy. If your kid was in the NHL, would you vote for him? I thought so.

Pascal Leclaire: I was tempted to write in Johnathan Quick, but cooler heads prevailed. Leclaire looks ridiculous but the guy is insanely awesome.

Eastern Conference

Ilya Kovalchuk: I already wrote about him, but he's seriously one of the better players you're ever going to see.

Vinny Lecavelier: This isn't so much a vote for his play, but for the fact that he donated $3 million to sick kids with cancer,and I'm all for giving kids cancer... wait, he wants to stop it? Dammit, I already submitted my ballot!

Alexander Ovechkin: I want to see Kovalchuk play with Ovechkin. I'm not sure it would work, but I sure as hell want to find out.

Zdeno Chara: Sure, why not.

Jay Bouwmeester: I just want to see the kid play, and I figure this is the only way I'm going to get to see him.
Tim Thomas: The fact that I had to write in the league leader in save percentage is dumb.

Prediction: The Kings are 3-1 when I predict they will lose. It would be easy for me to pick them to lose now, so that's what I'm going to do. Kings lose, 4-1. Goal by Johnathan Quick. Hey, he's quick.

Reminiscin': All-Star Shame

I have an unhealthy obsession with finding slights against the Kings and then railing against them. One such slight? The exclusion of Alexander Frolov in last year’s All-Star Game. Frolov was one of the better players in the Western Conference leading up to the All-Star break, tallying 45 points in 46 games. That put him 5th in the Western Conference in points and first among left wingers, yet he was passed over by Jonathan Cheechoo (who got in thanks to the powerful San Jose lobby), Ryan Smyth, Rick Nash, and handsome devil Henrik Zetterberg. It is my belief that Frolov deserved to be in the All-Star game over at least one (if not all) of these players.

Frolov: 21 G, 24 A, 45 P in 46 games (.98 point/game)

Cheechoo: 16 G, 18 A, 34 P in 42 games (.81 p/g)

Smyth: 23 G, 13 A, 36 P in 38 games (.95 p/g)

Nash: 13 G, 17 A, 30 P in 41 games (.73 p/g)

Zetterberg: 19 G, 21 A, 40 P in 49 games (.81 p/g)


A rudimentary analysis of the statistics at the All-Star break makes it obvious (at least to me) that Frolov deserved to be in the All-Star game. Ryan Smyth is the only player that came even close to matching Frolov’s production. At first I figured that they had to get a player on every team in the All-Star game, but then I was reminded that they did away with that rule about 4 years ago. Nash’s inclusion was particularly egregious. I mean, sure, he led the league in goals a couple of years ago, but that has nothing to do with this season. If I had been writing for this site when this happened, the whole thing might have caught on fire.

All-Star Game? More like All-Star shame! Wait, dammit...

Some might argue that maybe the NHL didn’t include Frolov because the Kings already had Visnovsky going to the All-Star game and it wouldn’t make sense for a team as bad as the Kings to have two players in the game. To them, I say go fuck yourself. The All-Star game is not a reward for teams that have excelled in the first half of the season; it is a place for players who have had exceptional seasons (like Frolov) to be honored.

Sorry, I got lost in your eyes for a second. What was I talking about?

I think a problem with the Kings is that because the team is bad, people just automatically assume that they don’t have any good players. This leads to Frolov being excluded from the All-Star game, and Kopitar being excluded from the Calder, and shitfucks writing about how Visnovsky doesn’t deserve top defenseman money. I think you need to watch this team to understand that the best players on the team (the three above plus Cammalleri) are all very, very good; it’s the rest of the team that ain’t that great. Of course, that would mean that the NHL and the writers would have to stay up past 11, and that’s just asking far too much. I mean, come on, it’s not like it’s their jobs or anything.

Putting incentive into the skills competition

Starting, of course, with the accuracy contest.

Who's not going 4-for-4 on this net?

Gotta run, contest details coming next week.

All-Star Ballots: Do NOT vote for these guys

(Author’s note: the top graphic in the photo is one of my favorite Photoshops from Hodge at Waiting for Stanley, a true graphics guru.)

Now’s about the time when a lot of bloggers get political, and tell you why their team's guy(s) should be getting your All-star vote. Well, I’m here to tell you the opposite. Stop voting for Ducks.

Now I don’t know if there’s much I can do about the Niederpronger “Twins”, as really, they are celebrities in this league and whether I like it or not, they will be on the western team. But Giguere? McDonald? Selanne? These guys are more on the fringe, so perhaps I can actually dissuade some votes. Don’t vote for them, especially you rare-breed Duck fans.

“But Sleek, why are you against Anaheim representation at the All-Star Game?”

a) It’s pointless. At this point the Ducks have bigger aspirations than participating or winning in an All-Star game. At this point, I would think a few days off would be more beneficial than a silly promo game.

b) Other than the d-men and possibly Giguere, they don’t deserve it. Currently Selanne is sitting 42nd in overall scoring and McDonald 108th. Even Giguere, after his bad outing, dropped to 8th in GAA and 10th in sv%, meaning that there are 6 or 7 better statistical goalies to select in the west.

c) Most importantly, both Selanne and Giguere are headed for unrestricted free agency after this year. What good is it for the Ducks to have these guys chosen as all-stars in a salary-cap environment? Really, it’s just another excuse to drive up the offseason signing price. The problem in this league with “feathers in your cap” is later, you have to pay for them.

In fact, the real theme of this post is to talk about individual success vs. team success. While individual success is nice (say, a scoring title or an all-start bid), a franchise will have to pay a player for these individual accomplishments, whether they bring a team to the playoffs or not.

That’s why I’m so excited about Anaheim’s W-L record thus far, because it is being done without scoring leaders. Despite being the 4th best offense in the league (and best in the west), there is no point-a-game player on the team. Selanne’s 42nd-best 17 points leads the team.

Compare this to other teams: Carolina has five players outscoring Selanne, Buffalo and the Rangers each have four, and Atlanta, San Jose, Toronto, and Washington each have three. What does this mean? Well, when it comes time to re-sign these rosters, which will be the cheapest?

I got nothing against scoring leaders per se, but we should keep in mind the ever-looming salary cap. Franchises with league leaders on their rosters will have more difficulty keeping the team intact, as all-stars negotiating contracts get to use other all-stars as comparables. What teams stand a better chance of keeping their rosters together? Well, look to Anaheim—those that can score goals without putting any of their players in the scoring race. Long term, it’s a cheaper way of producing a winner.

Side note: To date, the eastern conference has scored 840 goals, compared to the western conference’s 718. That’s a huge disparity, and to tell you the truth, I think eastern teams are generally going to have to pay bigger premiums later for their higher-scoring superstars than the lower-scoring superstars in the west. It’s a weird disparity, but as a guy concerned about future salaries, I’d rather be on the lower-end side of that scale.

One last paradox of success is the NHL trophy race, as tracked by Mirtle. Looking at his votes, does Pittsburgh really want Malkin winning the Calder trophy? What will that cost them later? Or does Atlanta really want a Hart trophy for Hossa? What will that cost them later? Is it worth it for a team to have a trophy winner any more, especially if that person will be coming up for contract negotiation in the near future?

It’s a weird environment to think about how a player performs today will affect what you pay him tomorrow, but that is in fact the reality of our new league. Especially teams that are smaller-market should be paying attention to Anaheim’s current team model: how to win games without making any of your soon-to-be-free-agents into superstars.

Thank god Niedermayer and Pronger have their salaries locked in long-term, or I’d really have to start an anti-Norris Trophy campaign.

p.s. Jeez I'm getting preachy lately, aren't I?