Cue "Taps"

WOW. Someone just played Panic's entrance music. If things looked bad for the Stars just a few days ago, now the team is pondering meteor shower insurance. Rudy posted the news but if you have anti-scroll disease, Brenden Morrow is out for the season.

The Stars are effectively "fixed." As in they've been de-balled.

With Marty Turco having a mini-meltdown and Brad Richards giving weepy interviews in emo shirts, trading away Jussi Jokinen and Mike Smith is looking closer to Bochenski for Versteeg these days. Honestly, Richards had enough positive moments in the playoffs that he gained a ... sort of flattering nickname in the "Five Dollar Shake." No Pulp Fiction jokes for him now, though. Although perhaps a "do I LOOK like a bitch?" might work.

So, with chicken little getting on the first trip to DFW Airport, I thought it might be fun to look at the different ways this mess can shake out:

1. The put-your-head-between-your-legs-and-pray approach

The plane's losing cabin pressure. Oxygen masks just popped out over your head. Babies are crying. Virgins are tearing off each others clothes and all you can do is prepare for a fiery grave.


In the Stars case, they are hoping the after-life includes one of the top two draft picks. There seems to be some hockey nerd slap fights over who's going to be the number one pick, but it's pretty hard to imagine John Tavares suffering an Angelo Esposito-type fate (or Aaron Rogers type fate, for you hockey borderliners). But even if Tavares suffers from a Fannie Mae-ish drop in stock, the Stars could benefit from getting the next big hype machine (Tavares) or Victor Hedman, Sweden's answer to Zdeno Chara.

Let's face it, kids, Smokin' Sergei Zubov is aging as hastily as Meg Ryan (seriously, what butcher of a plastic surgeon made her lips into couch cushions?). Turco's struggles are well documented, but even if he rights the ship he's not exactly a young man either. And the Stars' offense is anchored by really old players (Modano) and guys who are hovering around the dreaded 30-zone (Morrow, Mike Ribeiro). (Oh, and of course douche bags like Sean Avery)

In other words, this might be the perfect time for the Stars to have a free fall to a high-end pick. Dallas doesn't have NHL draft savants like Detroit so those perpetual playoff runs and future mortgaging trades make it tough to bring in high-end offensive talent. The defense has some guys who still have a chance to be good again, but no Jack Johnson, no Erik Johnson or any other future franchise D guy not named Johnson.

So maybe the Stars can pull a San Antonio Spurs - a team that hovered around good for years, had one atrocious year and ended up with Tim Duncan. Just sayin'.

2. Us against the world?

Something tells me that Linda Cohn and Co. left the Stars bandwagon in a ditch somewhere in podunkia. Allowing awful end of the period goals, taking stupid penalties and generally shitting the bed means that the Stars can go back to being way under the radar.

Could that be a good formula for a rebound? Stranger things have happened and Morrow, despite his playoff heroics, was struggling too this season. *Shrug*

3. Liquidation time!!! Clearance sale!!! All underperforming players must GO!

Never hurts to dream.

Then again, the Stars COULD go apeshit and go into full-on rebuild mode. After all, the economy is shit and the crowds will get sparser by the meltdown. Carrying an expensive losing roster might not be feasible with the economy getting gang raped. And if nothing else, the Stars have some big contracts and big names who could actually have decent trade value.

Turco might not exactly be at his most valuable level, but he has a huge contract. Who knows ... maybe a miracle could happen and they could move him for Jason Spezza.

WOW! This is fun! Making up completely unsubstantiated rumors is almost as fan as playing Gears of War 2!

In all seriousness, the Stars could look to shop players (kinda doubt Turco will go anywhere though). Zubov is a high-skill, high-age guy who could be a splendid trading deadline candidate. Richards might be too expensive, but he's still a very talented player. Ribeiro is a tool and an injury faking douche. This is undeniable. But he's also been a point per game player. He actually was really good in the playoffs and didn't writhe around on the ice like an asshole last year.

Would there be anyone crazy enough to take Avery off their hands?

If there's anything the NHL has shown me, it's that stupid trades and free agent signings happen all the time. It would be nice if the Stars came out on the winning end this year.

-------------------------------------------------------

So, those seem to be the three paths the Stars can take. Without bias or any "research" to get in the way of my opinions. Hope you enjoyed it.

Brenden Morrow Out 6 Months With a Torn ACL

You know, I've been predicted every season for the past 6 seasons that the Stars were going to falter, and every season they've made me look like a jackass. This season I finally don't predict a letdown and this looks like the season they finally falter. Just thought you'd like to know how this is affecting me personally.

What's eating the Dallas Stars?

The Dallas Stars are stumbling worse than a fat chick after 15 tequila shots. Seriously, tonight's loss to the Chicago Blackhawks (6-3) was ugly. The lowlight was Kris Versteeg's goal on Turco, in which the Stars made the talented rookie look like the second coming of ... well, Jonathan Toews.

(My internet connection has been Turco-like in its consistency, but I'll keep an eye out for Versteeg's goal. Link it in the comments/edit this post if you find it before me.)

It's easy to blame everything on Turco, but it's obvious that this isn't all his fault. Honestly, it's really hard to pin the tail on this blame donkey.* Could it be that, after being unappreciated and hard working for all these years, the Stars relaxed once it started to believe its press clippings? Did Turco morph into Dan Cloutier? Can they find a way to blame Sean Avery?

* - Ever wondered what it looks like to die in print? Wonder no longer ...

ANYWAY, it's getting harder and harder to stick to the "don't panic, it's still early" plan. Really, at this point the Stars can only hope for a dreary #8 seed and an absolute shellacking by the Red Wings or Sharks. The Pacific Division is off in the distance and the NHL doesn't use Mario Kart's "don't make loser kids sad, let them inexplicably go from 12th to 1st place" logic so they might as well kiss that goodbye.

How fucked is this team? Is it time to admit that the Stars just need to cut their losses and get into the Tavares sweepstakes? Do they even have their first round draft pick this year???


What a disaster. So, what now?

Stars trade for memories

In case you didn't hear the news already, the Dallas Stars traded oft-injured defenseman Phillippe Boucher for plays-like-he's-injured Daryl Sydor.

For the Penguins, they get a player who either is damaged goods or a short term boost to their power play. If nothing else, Boucher might be a helpful stop gap while Sergei Gonchar and Ryan Whitney rehab their extensive injuries.

It's harder to see the benefit for the Stars. Sydor was a healthy scratch much of his time with the Penguins and he's making the same money ($2.5 million) as Boucher so it's not getting any cash off the books. Clearly, this is Brett Hull's version of Kevin Smith bringing back his buddies when they normally would just drift through the streets of New Jersey. Realistically speaking, it's a brush with nostalgia.

Then again, maybe it was more of a statement to the old and mid guard in Dallas: get your shit together or you'll get traded. Brad Richards and Brendan Morrow looked borderline weepy after that second straight loss to Los Angeles, so this move might simply be an attempt to light a fire under a listless Stars team.

Boucher wasn't doing much anyway, so it might just be a wash.

Kings Gameday: Enough's Enough

LA Kings (6-6-2, 4th in Pacific) @ Dallas Stars (5-7-3, Dead Last in Pacific)

5:30 PST, Fox Sports West

Raitis Ivanans can not skate a regular shift in the NHL. I'm sorry, he just can't. It breaks my heart, because I love the lumbering Latvian, but he plays like dog piss tastes. (No, not delicious, terrible and slightly acidic.) Since the Kings began skating Raitis on their "third" line, that line has not recorded a point. Not a one. Ivanans is like the anti-Thornton, he sucks all the talent out of his linemates.

"I just want to see the inside of your skull."

Basically, the Kings are rolling two good 4th lines instead of one good 3rd. There's Ivanans-Handzus-Simmonds and O'Sullivan-Boyle-Harrold, one of whom is okay defensively but can't score while the other can do both but is just kind of... weird. Meanwhile, the Kopitar line and the Frolov line are left fending for themselves on both offense and defense. Terry Murray claims the Kings are rolling 4 lines but they're really just giving more emphasis to the top 2 lines while de-emphasizing the minutes the bottom 2 lines play. That's actually a good thing, but it probably means they need to either move O'Sullivan up and get our best players playing the most minutes or play someone besides Ivanans to give 4 actual lines. If they are going to play Ivanans, then they can't skate Ivanans 9 minutes a game. He needs to be playing 5 or 6, tops.

Ivanans-Hey Jon, look what I did. Yea!

Zeiler-My god, the blood.

I imagine we'll find out later today that Derek Armstrong is going to take Ivanans' spot in the line-up because he played well last game and Ivanans was awful, but who the hell knows. I do know, however, that the biggest guy on the Stars is Phillippe Boucher and Ivanans outweighs him by 40 lbs. No one is going to fight Ivanans tonight and that makes him pretty much worthless.

"The rabbits we're gonna get and I, I get to tend 'em."

You know, the only reason I think he's still playing is because everyone is afraid to tell him he can't play. I imagine it'll go like this:

Terry Murray: Hey Hardy, can you go grab Ivanans for me?
Mark Hardy: Sure thing, boss! *scampers away

(Suddenly there is a loud crash and Ivanans emerges through a hole in the wall)

Raitis Ivanans: Ivanans smash!
TM: Uh, hey Raitis, why don't you have a seat.
RI: ARRRGGGGH!!!!
TM: Umm, okay. Look Raitis, you're doing a wonderful job out there-
RI: Ivanans smash!
TM: Uh, yeah, Ivanans do great job smash. But we think it may be time for you to sit a game.
RI: Ivanans... no smash?
TM: No, not today.
RI: Well, that's your prerogative, Coach. I'm sorry you find my game to be deficient right now and I'll redouble my efforts in practice to regain my spot. No worries, Coach, and I thank you for your time.
TM: Okay, great. Now can you go grab Sully for me? I'm going to have him play defense tonight.
RI: Alright. IVANANS SMASH! *Bursts new hole in wall

***

Does Mike Modano get enough respect? I get the feeling he's overlooked because he's not quite as skilled as Joe Sakic and he's not quite as dreamy as Steve Yzerman, but he's been pretty good for a really long time. It's kind of impressive that he's evolved from a top line scorer to a solid defensive forward. Plus, he's banging Willa Ford. Well done, sir.

Prediction: I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the Stars engage in jackassery.

Brown's Hits on Robidas and Ribeiro

Brown doesn't knock Robidas over the boards, he knocks him above the boards. That's one of the better board shots you're going to see.





Brown got a 5-minute boarding major for this one. Like I pointed out during the off-season, Brown hardly ever gets penalties as a result of his hits and I don't really think this should have been 5 minutes. At the same time, however, Brown hit a guy on the numbers and his face hit the boards, so it's definitely boarding. It was mostly an accident and a result of Ribeiro flinching away from contact, but I wouldn't be too surprised if Brown got a one-game suspension out of it. Morrow got a penalty for instigation and is supposed to get a one-game suspension and a fine, but I assume the league will rescind it after considering the score and the situation.

Ribeiro had a really nice shootout goal and followed it up with pointless showboating, first putting his hand to his pouty lips to silence the crowd and then skating by the Kings bench and mouthing off. I love the idea of a guy talking smack when not 5 minutes earlier he was lying crumpled on the ice, but I guess that's what the Dallas Stars are now. I feel kind of bad for Mike Modano and Segei Zubov: those guys have been class acts their whole careers and have led that team to so much glory and now their twilight years are being spent surrounded by a bunch of crowing jackasses. Oh well, I'm sure they'll have a lot to crow about today, seeing as how they're sitting at the bottom of the Pacific Division.

Kings Gameday: Marty Turco is a Rube, Sean Avery is a Hump

LA Kings vs. Dallas Stars

7:30 PST, Fox Sports Prime Ticket, Yahoo!





Marty Turco, ladies and gentlemen.

Do you guys remember when Patrick Marleau scored on his own net in overtime against the Sharks? I think he tried to stickhandle it and ended up shooting it right in. I was at the game in Anaheim and when Marleau scored I looked over at Meg and he had his head in his hands. It was hilarious.

***

Icethetics (which I imagine is Sean Avery's favorite blog) has a new picture of the Kings' third jersey logo. Meh, we'll see how it looks on the jersey. At least it doesn't have purple.

***

Sean Avery is a douche bag. Seriously, I can forgive a lot of things, but being bad teammate to a young player isn't one of them. I would hope Brown would crush Avery tonight but the reality is that Avery probably wouldn't have the puck long enough to get hit. I'm sure he'll goad Gauthier or someone like that into a fight and mask the fact that he took 2 bad penalties earlier in the game. Therein lies the essence of Sean Avery.

Prediction: Kings win, 4-1. Goals by O'Donnell, Harrold, Simmonds and Ersberg.

Sharks Gameday: The Perfect Storm? Maybe Not

Yesterday, I joked with Earl Sleek that tonight's Sharks/Stars game seemed like the perfect storm for the Sharks to get their first loss at home. After all, Evgeni Nabokov is out, Sergei Zubov is in, the Stars have been trying to figure out something to inspire them to a win (signing Mark Parrish, obviously, is the key), and it's a big Saturday-night tilt between conference rivals.

Seems like just the type of situation that used to drive Sharks fans nuts. The team probably had a 30/70 percentage split of meeting the challenge of an occasion last season versus appearing listless and confused.

Now? Maybe the NHL's scheduling staff is on the team's side. First Detroit comes to the Golden State to face Anaheim, then less than 24 hours later, skates out on HP Pavilion ice. Now the Stars have to do the same thing.

Instead of using my "Oh crap!" negative thinking that still lingers from the Ron Wilson era, I'm going to look on the brighter side of things (don't worry Sleek, I'm not stealing positivity). Boucher's played well so far, the Sharks have overcome all of the moments of adversity (big and little), and Dallas is hopefully tired after the game in Anaheim. Zubov is one of those freak-of-nature players that never seems to get rattled or fatigued, but I'm hoping that he won't be in tip-top shape by playing back-to-back against two tough division rivals.

From the Sharks' perspective, I'm not sure if Alexei Semenov is in, but here's an unnerving stat -- in all of the games that Semenov has played, the Sharks have given up 4+ goals in all but one of them. Coincidence? A total trickling down of Semenov's total suckitude? I don't know, but if there were three things I could wave a magic wand and control tonight, it'd be:

1) A better power play
2) More shots in the slot from Jonathan Cheechoo
3) Strong team defense and no minimal bad turnovers, which means sitting Semenov

Secret to Stars success: debuts?

It could be. First, Fabian Brunnstrom began his NHL career with a hat trick (and a Stars win) then Mark Parrish resumed his NHL career with a hat trick (and a Stars win).

The Stars' strange season keeps getting stranger. Then again, Sergei Zubov and Jere Lehtinen should make their season debuts soon (hopefully) so maybe this year will start making some sense.

You'd hate to see Mike Modano resort to finding an off-ice job before it's all said and done ...

Ducks Gameday—Texasperation

Dallas Stars (4-6-2, t-12th in west) at Anaheim Ducks (9-5-1, 2nd in west)
Can the Stars re-discover the success they left here last spring?

I can't really tell you what's going wrong with the Dallas Stars this season, as I have yet to even watch a single game. Still, the spreadsheets will tell you, you don't have to look much past the 50 goals allowed in just 12 games. To put that in perspective, the Philadelphia Flyers currently lead the league in goal-scoring at 3.67 goals-per-game (excludes shootouts). The Stars are giving up goals at a rate of 4.17 goals-per-game, half a goal higher than any team can manage offensively.

There's probably plenty of culprits -- Avery and Brunnstrom not adequately replacing Hagman and Miettinen, the absence of Sergei Zubov (who I think returns to the team tonight, along with Mark Parrish), and of course the guy between the pipes.

Marty Turkey. 4.34 GAA, .837 Sv%.
Still, it's still a young season, and it's certainly possible the Stars work a Ducks-style turnaround. It might not even be that bad a time for the Stars to visit Anaheim and San Jose, where they eliminated the BoC last spring. It's going to be important that the Ducks and Sharks avoid thinking too much about revenge in these first meetings, though; the way to really hurt the Stars is to send them home without a win.

The Stars are 3-1 this year when allowing 3 goals or fewer; that's a good winning percentage for that cutoff, though certainly an embarrassingly low number of instances. One other strange sidenote about tonight's game: the Stars for some reason will become the last team this season to play an opponent from their own division. I guess that's one thing a Stars fan can take solace in: there's still time to make plenty of noise in the Pacific.

* * *

I'll be at tonight's game, enjoying my own version of the "Rinkside View" from the Row B seats, look for me in my lucky green shirt. I'll be with my dad and his friends, so it will probably be a muted version of Drinky Sleek, but feel free to say hi if you see me.

Prediction: Ducks 4, Stars 2. Goals by Perry, Scotty, Pahlsson, and Travis "the Omen" Moen.

Go Ducks.

Marty Turco's bizarro world: good playoffs, bad regular season?

Not pictured: beach ball

It's been a rough start to the season for the Dallas Stars and no one is feeling the brunt more than Marty Turco. Many thought that this would be a big year for Turco considering the departure of more than capable backup turned beleaguered starter Mike Smith and the exorcising of many a playoff demon.

That has not been the case, so the Stars are calling in Andy Moog to try to work out the kinks.

And the kinks, well ... they've been kinky.*

*Kill me. Don't think about it, just murder me.

In nine games, Turco managed three wins and six loses (four in regulation). He's had a save percentage of 90 percent twice with one other game over 85 percent. He had three games in the low-80s and three disastrous games in which his save percentage was in the 70s.

So, looking inside the numbers 2/3 of Turco's starts would have really pissed off John Tortorella with a couple fitting in the ex-Lightning coach's disdainful 75% club. The season is young, but this is a large enough sample to at least generate concern. Not panic, mind you, but a generous helping of concern.

The Kings need a prayer. The Ducks need to continue revitalizing their offense and to stop taking moronic penalties. The Sharks need to keep it up.

The Stars? They need to play better defense, but more than anything else, they need their all-world goaltender back. Maybe Moog can find him.

Avery vs. "Fatso" tonight

It's been an eventful month for Avery the unsavory. It started out with Avery's bizarre but absorbing interview with ESPN tart Rachel Nichols where the super-pest hilariously criticized the NHL's marketing (or lack thereof) and spoke of his troubled youth (dominated by stealing dolls from his babysitters and other telltale sign of latent child self-abuse).



Next came Avery's somewhat anti-climactic return to Madison Square Garden. Despite receiving a heavy dose of boos, it was really just another day at the office for Avery as he pestered the Rangers and the Stars won because of Mike Modano's GWG.

Still, Avery might need riot gear tonight as he pays visit to his nemesis Martin Brodeur and the New Jersey Devils. You may remember Avery's windshield-wiper maneuver from last year's playoffs - it was such a diabolical move that they often-listless powers that be in the NHL immediately passed "The Avery Rule."

(That became the name of one of my fantasy hockey teams, BTW.)

Say what you want about Avery's tactics ... they clearly got into Brodeur's head. So much so that the normally charming goaltender refused to shake Avery's hand once the series was over. He also may have used Avery's "fatso" remark as motivation to increase his aerobic routine over the off-season.

The question is not whether or not Avery will get booed mercilessly by the crowd in Newark, but rather if someone will throw a pair of windshield wipers at him. Never a dull moment with the former Mr. Elisha Cuthbert, is there?

BoC Gameday—Technically, somebody's getting a "W" tonight

Anaheim Ducks (0-2-0, last in west) at Los Angeles Kings (0-2-0, last in west)
Battle of the Basement

Sorry I've been a bit invisible the last couple of days; I've been steering clear of the blog, mainly because of the frustrating play of the Anaheim Ducks. It's not just that they're 0-2 that bothers me (only once in franchise history have the Ducks started 2-0), but it's the manner in which games are being lost that really sucks.

It's a pattern that dates back to the Dallas series last spring, and I've put a table together that lists the last seven times an opponent has broken a tie against the Ducks. All seven times the Ducks also allowed the next goal for a 2-goal deficit, and in six of seven times the lead was extended to 3 goals, on average less than 20 minutes later.

Game	Time Elapsed Until Deficit Extends to 2	Time Elapsed Until Deficit Extends to 3
G1 v DAL	6:09	12:33
G2 v DAL	15:00
G2 v DAL	0:55	8:49
G4 @ DAL	32:22	40:38
G6 @ DAL	15:32	17:46
G1 @ SJS	4:12	20:20
G2 v PHX	10:11	17:16
Last Seven 1-goal Deficits	7 of 7 12:03 avg	6 of 7 19:34 avg

Now I realize not all BoC readers enjoy deciphering time-elapsed-deficit data tables, so I've also illustrated the problem (using both Duck logos!):


"When you're done chewing off my right leg, please help yourself to the left.
And don't forget the tasty throat!"
So the Ducks need to solve two problems:

• Don't turn one-goal deficits into three-goal deficits. This isn't even an option; if this doesn't get fixed immediately I'll pre-order a Tavares jersey. The Ducks have made it entirely too easy to extend leads, either by overfilling the penalty box or by allowing odd-man rushes. They need some goddamn composure, really.



• Don't fall behind so often; put more emphasis on leading. You have to go back 18 games in the Ducks' schedule to find a game where the Ducks had a lead and didn't win the game. Granted, it's not a theory that's getting tested a lot lately, but it does seem to be the easy fundamental to focus on at this point.

Basically, the Ducks need to stop shitting the bed. Two games in, and the Ducks have scored three goals -- one each from Rob Niedermayer, Ryan Carter, and George Parros -- all scored while the Ducks trailed by 3. That trio of forwards looks to blow out its 13 combined goals from last year, but if anyone who was actually projected to score goals could put the puck in the net, that might help things considerably. So far, Nabokov and Bryzgalov have picked up fairly easy wins, way too reminiscent of the easy wins that the Ducks gave Turco last spring.

As for the 0-2 Kings, Rudy can probably better fill you in, but their problem might be as simple as "let's stop playing the Sharks".

Prediction: Who really can say with this club? Ducks 3, Kings 1. Goals by Klee, Pahlsson, and Pahlsson.

Seriously, Go Ducks.

Game 1: a sloppy joe of hockey

Breaking out the 'ol Sleek "Robo-das" photoshop one more time

Even after the lockout, it’s nice to be reminded that comebacks are completely possible in hockey. The Stars were down 4-2 in the third period after some really sloppy turnovers and it looked like Dallas turned to heartbreak city.

In a matter of minutes, the game was tied 4-4 and the American Airlines Center was rocking.

Of course, the Columbus Blue Jackets ended up winning in OT after a beautiful wrist shot goal by Rick Nash. It was a really rough, sometimes sloppy game and the Stars should be happy they got a point from this one.

Instead of Fabian Brunnstrom, the new guy to watch might be James Neal. Neal scored a goal in the second period and played a solid 16 minutes tonight.

The most interesting stat line of the night might belong to Stephane Robidas, who might continue the momentum from a postseason that inspired Earl Sleek to nickname him “Robo-das.” He managed to register a -2 even though he had three assists.

The Stars certainly have some things to work on, but at least they didn’t leave empty handed.

Stars Game Day: 'Stache revisited

We'll probably get a taste of Brunnstrom tonight

The Sean Avery era begins in the athletically troubled state of Ohio Dallas at 8:30 ET/5:30 Pacific. The main storyline is the Stars' future versus a ghost of the Stars' past.

Ken Hitchcock's Blue Jackets had quite the revolving door this off-season. They lost enigmatic Russian Nik Zherdev, perpetual project Gilbert Brule (a Golbez favorite if I remember properly) and fairly-nondescript-before-free-agency Ron Hainsey. In their place, Columbus brought in Flyers playoff sensation R.J. Umberger, the flighty Kristian Huselius, overpaid ginger Mike Commodore and premiere douche Raffi Torres. The BJs look like they'll show the scoring ability of a Klan member at a "Soul Train" after-party.

For the Stars, we'll get our first glimpse of a guy who had quite the 15-minutes of Wine and Dine fame, Fabian Brunnstrom. Hopefully Brunnstrom will ease the pain caused by the departure of the Stars' interchangeable Finns.

Can the Stars justify their newly found media darling status without Sergei Zubov? Part 1 of 82 starts tonight.

Dallas Stars: new darlings of the MSM?

Edit/Update: What has long been rumored is true: I'm an idiot. Sorry, Linda. I love your accent. Hope that we can work through this.

ESPN came out with their "expert" picks today (Linda Cohn ... an NHL expert? Huh?).

Three out of 6 experts chose a BoC team to win the Stanley Cup and two of them predicted it would be the Dallas Stars (the other BoC team expected to win the Cup was media darling of yore, San Jose).

The Stars were the pick of two of the more respectable ESPN.com NHL writers Scott Burnside and David Amber (although Burnside picked Brian Campbell to win the Norris ... come on Burnside, you're better than that!).

Pierre LeBrun, ESPN.com's blogger* picked the Sharks to raise the Cup.

(Linda Cohn picked the New York Rangers. Sources could not confirm if the pick was made based on bright colors.)

Most notably, five out of six "experts" picked Dallas to win the Pacific with only LeBrun taking the Sharks. Interesting.

* Am I the only person a little bit bothered by the ESPN.com embrace of blogs? That being said, the WWL is welcome to pay me gobs of money. No, really. If you insist.

So, who the hell is going to win the Pacific?

That's the question heading into this season. It's reasonable to say that 4/5 Pacific teams could win it (sorry Kings, but enjoy your complimentary fruit basket!). With that in mind, let's take a quick look at the three big dogs and the sweaty dark horse in the sun.

Naturally, leave your predictions and dissenting opinions in the comments.

San Jose Sharks

Most years, these media darlings are the team to beat on paper. This year? You get the feeling that people are starting to sour on the Teal force.

It's crazy just how much this team changed in the last couple years. There's still some solid youth on the team, but the parallels to those "fuck the future I want it now" Colorado Avalanche teams are pretty damning. (They even have Rob Blake) Still, that team did win two Cups before they devolved into a glorified vehicle for the annual Peter Forsberg saga.

10 of his 14 goals last year were game winners ... seriously.

The thing that makes this team so difficult to judge is that they're such a gamble: they have a coach who's wet behind the ears, a vastly different defense and it's unclear which offense will show up. Here's the questions that need to be answered:

• Will the ousting of Ron Wilson reanimate the corpse previously known as Patrick Marleau?

• How good is Dan Boyle, really?

• Can the Cheechoo Train ride again?

• Speaking of corpses, is that really Jeremy Roenick? He's still alive?
  

This team is a mystery wrapped in bacon.

Anaheim Ducks

After the Stompy controversies and the "will they or won't they?" retirement questions, it's mind blowing to realize that the Ducks might just be a model of stability this season.

Sure, the salary cap will make things interesting and Brian Burke's heavily rumored dalliance with the Maple Leafs might crop up again. The Ducks return the same core group that dominated its way to a Stanley Cup two years ago (with a possible bonus of Bobby Ryan if they can make the money work).

Will Burke go to Toronto if the Ducks win another Cup?

A full season of Scott Niedermayer and the Finnish Flash should provide the Ducks with a fourth gear. Their biggest problem now is that they are a top heavy team, but its not crazy to wonder if this is just the beginning for Ryan Getzlaf and Corey Perry.

From everything I've heard, J.S. Giguere's weight fluctuates worse than Oprah's from game to game (doesn't he lose about 4-6 lbs. per game?) so he might not be able to take on a Marty Brodeur-like workload. For that reason, the Ducks might not win the division but they have the best chance of any Pacific team to win the Cup this year.

There, I said it.

Dallas Stars

It's amazing how much public perception can change with a little playoff success. The Stars handed the Sharks and Ducks 4-2 losses before being manhandled by a vastly superior Detroit Red Wings team. It was a borderline magical journey for a club that lead the league in postseason frustrations.

The Stars' midcard will be vastly different this year. Niklas Hagman, Antii Miettinen, Stu Barnes and Mattias Norstrom are gone. At the same time, the Stars will enjoy a full season of Brad Richards and will ... try to enjoy a full season of Avery the unsavory.

Avery, Morrow and Ott give the Stars an abrasive trio and Avery certainly increases the team's quotability. (BTW, he's right about Don Cherry)

How well will this fashionisto match the Stars?

The Stars should continue some of that good momentum, but good lord is this it for Sergei Zubov and Boucher? This injury trend isn't a surprise with Boucher but with Zubov it's getting scary.

An unhealthy Zubov makes a Pacific Division win unlikely.

Phoenix Coyotes

This year's dark horse is a canine.

(Kill me. The world will understand.)

Last year, I was all over the Stars trading for Olli Jokinen at the trade deadline. Well, he came to the Pacific ... only for the "Desert Dogs." If any player has lived through the Gretzky-Gary Bettman expansion era, it might be Jokinen with his stops with the pitiful Florida Panthers and now the Phoenix Coyotes.

Apparently, Jokinen already has a little BoC experience

A full season with Bryzgalov and Jokinen could make the Coyotes very interesting. Without Keith Ballard, their D takes a bit of a hit but they still seem to have quite a D focus under the watch of The Not So Great coach. But it must be mentioned that they are highly reliant on Jovocop, the Marian Gaborik of defensemen.

Even though the Coyotes will be interesting this year, I don't see them leapfrogging the Stars, Sharks and Ducks.

So, what do YOU think?

Finished!

Whew! Sleek's been a busy guy lately, not only contributing to BoC's regular reporting brilliance, but doing Pacific Division previews for AOL Fanhouse as well. Today that whole stint got finished up -- my Sharks preview will run later this morning, finishing off my previewing duties there. I can't say that there's anything too brilliant in these previews (I get awfully wishy-washy when it comes to predicting things), but I did draw a cartoon for each team -- that's something, at least.

Anyways, I figured I'd link them all here, not only for convenient clicking but also just as an excuse for my recent busy streak.

• Los Angeles Kings


• Phoenix Coyotes


• Dallas Stars


• Anaheim Ducks


• San Jose Sharks

So there you have it. I've managed to write all five without picking a winner of the Pacific; who do you figure has the best shot at it? Comments are open.

P.S. You do know that I am not the only Pacific Division blogger who draws cartoons, right?

Random Pacific Questions: Who Has the Best Goalie?

He looks like the dog at the end of those Honda Element commercials. "Hey, what's going on back there?" ...I'm not good at captions.

The Kings, right? No? Okay, someone else then.

Marty Turco- 62 GP, 32 wins, 24.9 shots/game, 2.31 GAA, .909 SV%

Ilya Bryzgalov- 64 GP, 38 wins, 28.6 shots/game, 2.44 GAA, .920 SV%

Jean-Sebastien Giguere- 58 GP, 35 wins, 26 shots/game, 2.12 GAA, .922 SV%

Evgeni Nabokov- 77 GP, 46 wins, 23.4 shots/game, 2.14 GAA, .910 SV%


I'd put it Bryzgalov-Giguere-Nabokov-Turco, but that's just me. Giguere has the best numbers but he didn't play nearly as much as the others, while Nabokov has relatively weak numbers but played a ton. I didn't realize Turco had a subpar season (by his standards) last year, but then he picked it up in the post-season while Giguere faltered. Say it with me, folks: clutch doesn't exist.

I'll be very interested to see how JS Giguere, Evgeni Nabokov and Marty Turco react to next season. All three are getting into their 30's all three have carried their teams the last few years. The Ducks are in pretty good shape if Giguere misses more time next year because Jonas Hiller is a bad man, but the other two have question marks behind their starters. I imagine Nabby will take a few more games off as Dmitri Patzold and Thomas Greiss mature and it'll work because their San Jose goaltenders, but the Stars don't really have anyone currently with the team or in the pipeline to fill Turco's shoes. Could this be the year those three start to fall off? God I hope so.

Letter from a Stars fan

Dallas! Stars!

Dallas!

Stars!

(Air guitars to Pantera's Stars theme song)

Howdy there hockey fans. With all these Cal-ee-forn-ee queers throwin' their two bits in this there here blogger thang I was fixin' to spit the damn bit! I reckon it's time for me to list the reasons why us Stars fans are the best god damn ice hockey fans in the world!

For one thang, we've been around longer than any of those stupid Cal-ee-forn-ee teams 'cept I guess those Los Angle-ess Queens. They started that dumb ass team in '88 with Dwayne Gretzky, right?

Second thang, the Stars gave those treehuggin' pinko California teams a good old fashioned ass-whuppin' in the playoffs this year. And why not? We got the best team with the most talent.

Mike Modano skates like a god damn rooster in a chicken coup, unlike Billy Joe Thornton or whateverthefuck his name is. Then we got Brenden Morrow. He kicks way more ass than that Teamo Salami guy.

Too bad Tony Romo don't got half the heart of Brenden Morrow – if them Cowboys just learn from the Stars and think with they dicks AFTER the season we'd win a god damn SuperBowl.

Shit, look at our goalie, fuckers. We got Ed Belfour. That drunken sumbitch is a better goalie than any of those LA Queens goalies … and he's usually seein' four pucks by the dadgum third period.

Really, I reckon my only problem with them Stars is that they got so many dadgum people from other countries. Shit, Hull, gimme more last names I can understand! Jokinen – Niskanen – fuckin' hokeypokinen.

Awww shit, son, you got me so worked up I lost track of time and 'ah burned my god damn steak! Oh, welp, I guess I better go.

Go Cowboys!

Regards,

Willie Ray Hunter