Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

"Don't go sucking each other's popsicles just yet"

I just got done watching the surprisingly funny sitcom 30 Rock, so I thought it would be fun to compile a pro and con list for the Stars’ highest scoring forward Mike Ribeiro. (I'd love feeedback on anything I miss, since I'm merely hitting the highlights)

The reason is pretty obvious: the Stars recently announced that they signed Ribeiro to a 5 year, $25 million contract.

So, much like Tina Fey sizing up her hapless boyfriend (starring the Irish guy from Oz, excitingly enough), I will examine why the Stars long-term relationship with MR will be both good and bad.


The contract isn’t in the Mike Richards/Rick Dipietro marriage contract ballpark, so that’s good.


Still, you have to wonder if he won’t pull a Brad Richards or Miikka Kiprusoff and crap the bed after getting a cushy deal. Especially since he's not exactly going to break slumps with gritty goal scoring or a momentum turning Jarome Iginla-style fight.


$5 million a year isn’t a bad value for a player who leads your team in scoring. Especially since the team in question manufactures goals about as well as people harvest crops in the movie Idiocracy (translation: not well).


Ribeiro is different from the Stars forwards in a lot of ways, but the same in the worst: he’s completely impotent in the playoffs. In 24 playoff games spread out between 3 postseasons (two with Montreal, one with Dallas) he’s managed a pathetic 2 goals and 8 points. That’s a point per 3 games. Yikes.


He’s about to turn 28, so this contract covers his prime years.


His career high is 65 pts, during the 2003-04 season. Even if he's on the best points pace of his career, you'd be foolish to expect much more than a 70 point per season average, and that's if he's healthy. For a player who has sort of a "sexy" feel to his game, his stats aren't exactly of the bombshell variety.


With Modano’s career winding down, Ribeiro will carry the torch as being the creative forward teams game plan against when they face the Stars and for good reason: he’s a smooth, imaginative player who can make defensemen look absolutely silly.

There's never a bad time to show this photo.


His name will always be tarnished for the awful display he made during that infamous 2004 playoff series against the Boston Bruins. His embellishment was seizure-like; something that even the most secular hockey fan has to believe has some sort of negative karmic impact.

Can the Stars go to war with this guy?

One bad omen: his contract strikes an eerie resemblance to that of oft-maligned Pens d-man Sergei Gonchar.

So, much like any contract extension, Stars fans should be guardedly optimistic.

After signing Ribs (I’m just going to assume that’s his nickname. That or Ribby. Rib-eye? Ribbed for her pl…OK I’ll stop…) to a reasonable contract and beating the Wild for their first win of 2008, things are looking good.

But they’d have to consult their friends in Detroit if they want to talk about greatness.


Earl Sleek said...

Can the Stars go to war with this guy?

Good post, O'B (I bumped it up). Obviously I think McRibby is despicable, and that's pretty significant for a guy who roots for Perry, Pronger, and Bertuzzi. Still, I think you could use Perry as a good foil for Ribiero--point producer and on-ice actor.

He's still got value, but for sure you do have to watch the antics. Overall I'd call it a solid deal, though your worries about the 5-year complacency might prove true.

RudyKelly said...

Mike Ribiero? Really? Like you said, his previous career-high in points is 65. I'm not sure if I want to live in a world where Mike Ribeiro is making $5 million a year.

Also, how pissed does Mike Cammalleri have to be right now?

Marie said...

Tina Fey sizing up her hapless boyfriend

He also played Carrie Bradshaw's fuck buddy in Sex and the City and he sold calling cards. He was better as the Beeper King.