Takes and trash talk from both ALL sides of the NHL's most obscure PATHETIC* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Kings Gameday: Who Would You Disappear?

Los Angeles Kings (worst) @ Detroit Red Wings (best)

4:30 PST, FSN West, TSN

The Kings have a lot of dead weight laying around. They have 2 players in the AHL, Peter Harrold and Ted Purcell, who have clearly shown that they deserve at least a few games in the NHL. Who’s going to make room for them, though? Depending on what kind of team you’re looking for, at least one of the following players is unnecessary. Which one would you disappear?

Kevin Dallman

Pros: Can play offense and defense… still relatively young… available to play the point on the power play… his last name sounds like a really shitty Batman villain.

Cons: Sucks… he’d never actually play defense (we’d just call someone up)… offensive defenseman, which we don't need... this is his only picture available on Yahoo!:

Raitis Ivanans

Pros: Fights… one of the better enforcers at actually playing hockey… has not killed a person yet (that I know of).

Cons: Sucks… can’t fight right now, which makes him worthless… takes bad penalties… always a possibility that he’ll learn how to read and find all the bad things I've written about him.

John Zeiler

Pros: Physical… makes a lot of noise when he plays… looks like he has a stick up his ass when he skates… can draw penalties… he looks like a guy I played college hockey with.

Cons: Sucks… falls all the time… his hits have no affect on the play whatsoever… has a two-way contract so not subject to waivers... kind of a jackass… I was never fond of that guy from college.

Jeff Giuliano

Pros: Good energy… effective on the penalty kill… can also help shut down other scorers… young... his face is quite humorous.

Cons: Sucks… has a two-way contract, so not subject to waivers... so poor at stick handling I wonder how he can piss properly… he made me write that last comment… honestly, look at his face:

Brian Willsie

Pros: Umm... is not a cannibal?

Cons: Sucks… takes bad shots… no special teams ability… his blood burns through steel… not too sure about the cannibal thing.

Scott Thornton

Pros: Physical… good character guy… leader and elder statesman on the team… can fight… looks fetching in bike shorts.

Cons: Sucks… slow… no special teams ability… makes $1.5 mil…might have to get rid of him just to keep Crawford from putting him on a line with Kopitar… seriously, what the fuck… that’s ridiculous.

So, who would you waive? Ultimately, I think you have to go with Brian Willsie. Each of the other guys brings something that another can't: Dallman brings options, Ivanans will eventually instill fear into the hearts of men again, Zeiler instills energy, Giuliano gives Kopitar a rest on the penalty kill, and Scott Thornton provides leadership in the locker room. What does Brian Willsie bring? I honestly don't know. I know it's harsh, but I really don't think he's doing anything that a 22-year-old Ted Purcell couldn't do much better. Sorry, Brian; good luck in Europe next year.


This doesn't have anything to do with anything, but doesn't Joe Thornton's beard make him look like Snarf from Thundercats? Here's Joe (left):

...and here's Snarf:

I don't know, maybe I'm crazy.


Prediction: The Kings are the worst team in the league and they're playing Detroit, the best team in the league. Obviously, Kings win, 7-1. Goals by Brown x2, Frolov x3, O'Sullivan and Handzus. I've never been more confident in a prediction in my life.


Anonymous said...

I see the snarf in thorton fo sho!!

the "Jeff Giuliano" dude looks like the friend with glasses in the wonder years...forgot that guys name

snarf snarf

Anonymous said...

this disapear list is easy for ducks fans

joe d
bertuzzi (although he may come back in our good graces the jury is out)
hnidy again
hnidy one more time
mowers(hes gone but his name needs to be said)

thats the list while not paying attention to salary numbers and trying to sign perry

for that
then add marchant to the end of the list

RudyKelly said...

Holy shit, he totally does! Does this mean Jeff Giuliano is Marilyn Manson? Definitively.

Bryan said...

Man you really hate Hnidy. He's not bad as a 7th dman. And how could you leave off Sutherby. The guy was a healthy scratch on Washington.

It all depends on what Perry gets. 4.5 mil to me is the right number, but we will see.

Earl Sleek said...

Dan Cloutier and his contract aren't an option? Or is that a case where the disappearing has already happened?

Anonymous said...

Do I really need to say who I would get rid of? You know who it is and why, Rudy, is he not on your list. It's obvioulsy the Kings worst defenseman Jaroslav Mordry!!!

RudyKelly said...

Yeah, Cloutier's already been disappeared. He's currently taking 6 weeks off because his hip is still hurting him. I would feel bad for him but he basically ruined my life last year, so fuck 'im.

I'm assuming that we could trade Modry; the same with Nagy. The guys on this list can either be sent down right away or sneak through waivers.

Anonymous said...

I'm hoping some team is desperate for a shitty defenseman heading toward the trade deadline and we can sucker them into taking Modry like Dallas suckered us (yes, I'm still angry about that trade!). I cringe every time the Kings make a trade cuz they usually set us back rather than sending us forward. I hate Cloutier MORE than Modry, if that is humanly possible!

Earl Sleek said...

this disapear list is easy for ducks fans

See, I'm having a much tougher time with it, because I'm with bryan--he's only bad when he's a top-four defender. Case in point, since the Phoenix game 11/7, Hnidy has been on the ice for 9 even-strength goals-for and only 1 even-strength goal-against.

I think I'd probably disappear Marchant. I think he's faltered some since last year, is pretty replaceable by a kid, and his salary prevents a Perry re-signing at this point.

Earl Sleek said...

Wait, I take it back. Let's 'disappear' Hayward!

Anonymous said...

I think your right about hnidy..now that hes playing less..u dont see as much mornic plays from him...its just fun to have a goat though...

in truth and I hate to say it frankie is the goat this year so far...he gets undressed to much this year...scotty should help him though..delivers those nice nuetral zone hits...hard to hate him...and hes forever imortalized for beating up iginla many moons ago...

Anonymous said...

I don't know why people care so much about modry, or that we got rid of norstrom. Basically, I think Lombardi doesn't care how this season turns out. He's waiting for 2 or 3 seasons down the road for us to be a good team. So Modry is basically a placeholder, eventually to be filled by guys like Harrold or Hickey. And he's a cheaper placeholder than Norstrom (who will be too old or too shitty to warrant play time by the time the Kings are good) and he came with a first round pick.
Also, I don't understand why the kings always must carry a guy who without a doubt sucks balls at hockey. Craig Johnson, Kelly Buchberger, Brian Willsie. You might as well put that figure skating guy Apollo whatever out there, at least he can dance.

Anonymous said...

Oh, so I should be content with Modry sucking? I would rather have the up and coming guys learn how to play from d-men who actually know how to play defense (Blake/Norstrom) than guys who suck for the sake of sucking (Modry/Stuart). Granted, I don't pay the team salaries, but the Kings are no where near the salary cap, so I don't see having Modry suck for less money than Norstrom providing leadership is really a benefit. Just for the record, Norstrom is a year younger than Modry, so being "too old or too shitty" is a problem Modry will be facing sooner than Norstrom and Modry has a headstart on both.

Ted said...

Dude, super-funny on the J-Tho lookalike!

Anonymous said...

Well your wrong from the start to say that Modry is "sucking". If he were on a decent team like the Red Wings you might have a point but he has our highest plus/minus so he's doing something right. He may be a waif who doesn't check but in the context that he's on a team of "sucking" players he hasn't been that bad. Having Harrold stay down in Manchester were he can experience being a go-to guy and fill there Visnovsky role benefits him in the long run much more than getting limited minutes and losing constantly with the Kings. Lastly, I should have clarified that BOTH Modry and Norstrom will be too old and too shitty to play in a few years. I doubt Modry will be here longer than this season, he is just serving his purpose as a warm body on the bench this season.

Anonymous said...

Maybe your not watching #44 and your missing all the blow plays, turnovers and bad penalties that I've seen the guy who wears that number take.

Anonymous said...

Ya I have, but it isn't like the rest of the team is awesome and he's bringing them down. Look, I'm no fan of Modry. I just don't understand why you single him out. He isn't the embodiment of suckiness that say, Brian WIllsie is.

Anonymous said...

I single him out because he in fact is the embodiment of suckiness! I looked at the Kings stat sheet to check on the plus minus leaders and just as you stated, there was Modry in the lead. I thought briefly that maybe Doc has a point, until I noticed that Scott Thornton is #2 on that list. I'm pretty sure that most would agree that Scott Thornton is not one of our most valuable forwards and is prominently listed on Rudy's Suck List. So it seems to me that leading the plus minus list isn't quite as prestigous as it might appear. While I was there, I checked in on the fan poll voting on the most valuable defenseman on the team. The first time I checked it early in the week, Modry was 5th, just ahead of Brad Stuart, now they are neck and neck for last place on the poll. So it appears that most fans agree with me. Sorry Doc...

RudyKelly said...

Chris, I think what he's trying to say is that Modry is the least of our problems. He's 5th among defensemen in time on ice, doesn't take many penalties (9 on the year) and plays adequate defense. I've actually been a little surprised how well he's adapted to the stay-at-home defenseman role. I know you hate him because we traded Norstrom and he has a reputation for poor defense, but just understand that people disagree with you.

Oh, and that poll says that Lubo has been better than Blake this season, so I wouldn't put too much emphasis on that.

Anonymous said...

I'm a ducks fan, but I've been to the Staples Center twice this year - one against my ducks and one the other day against the avs, and I have to say that Modry was by far the worst player on the ice. Slow, bad positioning, taking awful (and obvious) penalties... the total package.