And now we get to Curtis Sanford's mask, which is actually an official Canucks-sponsored contest, but has also received a side-push by Dr. Mirtle. Before we take a look at my offerings, I should note two things: (a) I'm not submitting any of these into the official contest, but if anyone feels like stealing, I won't protest. (b) As such, I've slacked a bit on production value here: I created a transparent mask template and mostly overlayed it on images. Most of these could use a touch-up.
Still, I'm not that upset with the outcomes. Let's take a tour, shall we?:
Why not show off the reason why this helmet won't get any airtime?
Well, I'm not sure how well Sanford would enjoy wearing a Luongo-themed helmet, but at least it offers him an easy comeback: "You'd be benched, too!" I don't know if it's that clever, but hey, it's honest.
The final version of this will feature a chalkboard so the save-differential can be updated.
Ah, yes. Ranford vs. Sanford. I picked saves as a category only because it offered a comically high number that could be updated throughout a Sanford-played game. Plus it offers a nice humble look at Sanford's paltry place in the history of goaltending.
Can you navigate your way to this guy's five-hole?
You know, it's kind of difficult coming up with good puns for the name "Sanford", given that I always avoid the most obvious choices (Sanford & Son, Stanford University). This pun is way half-assed, but perhaps the maze design can help confuse shooters. Also confusing? When Sanford gives you a root baby to help with your mother's childbirthing.
A double-headed pun here: Sanfeld? Seinford?
On the other hand, I do really like this pun, but the design could have had a little more time put into it. I think this helmet should also have a little computer chip built into it, and whenever anything hits Sanford's mask, it could play the bass guitar Seinfeld theme. Whatever the design, I will say this: a bald Demitra makes for a fabulous Costanza.
For these last two designs, I have to give inspirational credit to fellow BoCer Mike Chen, who threw me a few bones on my quest for Sanford silliness:
Ah, a hockey photoshop classic.
"At least I'm not Cloutier." That really should be a positive mantra for all of us, and I think the message would resonate strongly with a memory-haunted Vancouver fanbase.
This is just a prototype. The actual version would involve real hair.
And finally, another call-back to Vancouver's not-too-distant past. The Crawford Hair Helmet could allow the gelled-up hair-monster be a fixture on the Canucks bench once again. Of course, there'd probably be some debate about how much hair could be used; I'm quite sure the zero-fashion-sense competition committee would try to set some limits.
So there you have it. Six offerings with a wide range of brilliance, all that have roughly zero chance of making it to the big leagues (not unlike Sanford's chances of being a regular starter for Vancouver). Like 'em? Hate 'em? I don't care; at least I'm done with obligatory photoshops.
The Cloutier one is my favorite. So simply put. The Crawford hair one is a close second, but I think having real hair on it would just add a whole new level of creep to it.
ReplyDeleteDamn, the Devils put Vish-dog on waivers?
ReplyDeleteMy Vishnevski Mighty Ducks jersey is getting more obscure by the minute!
Maybe the kings will pick him up. Why would a team put a player on waivers at this point in the offseason?
ReplyDeleteThe Kings should totally nab Vishnevski, if for no other reason than to give their fans with obsolete Visnovsky jerseys a nice end-of-the-summer sewing project.
ReplyDeleteI've been too busy and too lazy, but I'd like to make/see made one involving the cast of Sanford and Son.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to make/see made one involving the cast of Sanford and Son.
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to make one for you (my helmet-designing career is on hold), but I did see a commenter named J.S. at The Pensblog has constructed this design. I think it meets your basic criteria.